It’s a common scenario; where you get feedback about your management style or leadership style.
Sometimes, this is good feedback, like a survey I recently ran for a client, where the answer to “what’s great about working in x company?” was: “the boss”!
Sometimes though, the feedback is not that good.
Perhaps your organisation has just completed a 360 degree feedback survey and the results aren’t that good. Or perhaps it’s anecdotal feedback from your boss or a colleague. Perhaps it is a complaint about you to HR. Or, in the case of Jeff Bezos (boss of Amazon), perhaps it’s a 5400 word expose in the New York Times.
However you find out the news that someone thinks that your management style sucks, you have pretty much three choices:
- Ignore: “Well he’s an idiot, so why would I listen to anything he has to say about me?
- React/Attack: “Well, if you think that about me, let me tell you a few home truths about him!”
- Respond
As tempting as the first two seem, and how satisfying the second in particular may feel in the moment, there’s always value in taking some time to actually respond rather than a knee jerk in the moment reaction.
Here’s why.
Ignore
So, let’s take the scenario that the guy who is making a complaint is an idiot. Even so, there are two elements to this — does this mean that what he is saying about you and your style is wrong? Is there something that you should take away from it? Just because the messenger is a bit dodgy, that doesn’t necessarily mean that the message should automatically be discounted.
Alternatively, why is he making these comments/allegations, sometimes there is more to why a person makes these sort of comments, and it’s worth understanding why.
React
The usual (and very human) reaction is to get defensive about the feedback and to then deflect (where you get to tell the other person all about their flaws and why it is really about them not about you) or ignore (tell them why you are so not going to listen to anything they have to say etc.) Or go on a bit of a rant (about everything and everyone). Real life examples tend to illustrate that this doesn’t work. It just escalates or exacerbates the situation (and usually cements in the other person’s mind exactly why they made the complaint in the first place!)
Respond
Really, the best action to take is to respond. My definition of responding is to look objectively (or get someone to help you look objectively if you can’t) at the feedback; and then crafting a plan to deal with it. Note, this plan may be to do nothing, but that’s not the same as ignoring.
- Is there anything there that you DO need to look at (however imperfectly it was delivered)? If so, do you want to do something about it? If you do, then set about creating a plan (again with help if you don’t know where to start) and do something.
- If, upon rationally examining it, you decide that there’s nothing in the feedback — the question remains, why the feedback in the first place? That’s feedback in and of itself. Why does someone feel the need to give you feedback about your style if it’s not true. What else is going on?
It’s the second one that stuck with me when I read Jeff Bezos’ response to the NYT article. He denies there is a problem, saying “The article doesn’t describe the Amazon I know or the caring Amazonians I work with every day. And “hopefully, you don’t recognise the company described. Hopefully, you’re having fun working with a bunch of brilliant teammates, helping invent the future, and laughing along the way“
Now, of course I have no way of knowing how he’s really responding to this, and whether he’s actually deep diving into why all those people that the NYT spoke to would say those things if they weren’t true; but I do know that a surprising number of leaders, when faced with pretty robust facts around the culture and their leadership, do go into straight out denial. And that’s not helpful.
As the saying goes, where there is smoke there is (usually) fire. Even if the fire is something that is actually not about you or your leadership style at all; understanding why is almost always helpful.
So, next time you get some feedback that you don’t like. Don’t go into denial or into attack. Just take a moment — pause, take a breath, ask yourself some questions and then ask more questions. Almost always, feedback is a gift in some way or form.
Until next time, happy leading!
