I met someone today who was describing another person they work closely with. They were very complimentary about the other person. After a while they mused that perhaps they should tell the other person how much they appreciated them, but then immediately discounted that thought with the follow up thought that they themselves did not need such reassurance, so why should the other person.
It is a perspective that I hear a lot. That because I don’t need something, or it is not important to me, that others similarly won’t need it or value it.
It’s understandable; because of course we operate from our perspectives and our own sense of what we know to be true. But it limits how valuable our relationships and interactions can be.
I once went to a course where they talked about different people needing different degrees of “stroking”. Being clear on how much you needed was key to understanding how you felt about being recognised and rewarded in any particular transaction.
For some, the degree of stroking needed truly is very limited. They feel fulfilled through their own personal sense of achievement, and don’t rely on others to validate that. For others, despite knowing that a job has been done well, they do need others to acknowledge or thank them. Neither is right or wrong; they just are as they are.
It’s such a simple exercise, but knowing this about yourself and your team can be so powerful. Not only can it ensure that you target reward and recognition programmes appropriately, it also means that the message you intend to send out is actually received as intended and is valued rather than discounted.
Until next week, happy reading!
